“When they go low, we go high.” When I first heard former First Lady Michelle Obama’s iconic catchphrase at the 2016 Democratic National Convention, I was a wide-eyed teenager in awe of her self-assurance, charisma and talent. The meaning of her words were lost on me, but the passion behind them struck a chord within me. Eight years later, having experienced numerous student leadership roles, I can confidently say that these words eloquently capture what it means to navigate leadership as a woman of colour in today’s world.
My path into student leadership at Queen’s began on my first day of Orientation. I vividly remember standing in line for coverall painting - eager to meet my new peers, nervous about getting paint on my shoes, and lost in a spiral of thoughts. In the midst of this, I felt something - no, someone - tugging on my hair. I turned around, only to see another first-year grabbing my hair and twirling my curls, commenting on its colour and texture, all without my consent. In my first couple weeks, microaggressions like this would come to follow me; never too overt to raise alarms but always subtly present, reminding me of how “different” I was, even though I rightfully earned my place here.
What might have pushed some folks into making themselves small fuelled me to take up more space and actively push for change - because when they go low, we go high. I became the 2023 Chair of the Commerce Executive Orientation to shape an Orientation where my negative experiences would not repeat themselves, and if they did, students felt safe and comfortable enough to report them. I took it one step further through my involvement in student government, endeavouring to create a safe learning environment where a positive Commerce experience was accessible to everyone, ultimately leading to my current position as the President of the Smith Commerce Society.
Recently, someone asked me what it was like to be a woman of colour in student leadership roles. I think I answered along the lines of how rewarding the experience is, how it paves a path for future leaders who look like myself, and how I could not be happier with the work I was doing. While all of this is true, a more honest answer would be that navigating leadership has been the most exhausting and emotionally draining work that I have ever engaged in, and it’s not because of the job itself. You hear all about the numerous barriers that exist for women to get to these positions, but what you don’t hear about is the never ending battle that is proving that you deserve them.
I remember sitting down with a male colleague to discuss an error he had made, where I outlined the issue and steps for improvement during a lengthy conversation. A discussion that surely warranted an apology was not met with one until another male team member raised the issue over an online chat, which was followed by immediate expression of regret and action on their part. The cherry on top is that when asked about the incident, the individual expressed frustration with the male colleague who called him out, with nonchalance towards my earlier conversation. Why was it that my voice, backed by a respectable position and credible experience, was met with an indifference that my male colleagues never faced?
Over the last 4 years, I have been described, mainly by men but also some women, as overbearing, annoying, immature, too serious, emotional, bitchy, and so on - often behind my back, but sometimes to my face as well. “Sagaana, you’re blowing this out of proportion,” “Girl, you have no idea what you’re talking about,” “Hey, why don’t you just let loose and have some fun?,” - the list goes on. Oftentimes, these are during conversations where my male predecessors and colleagues have been called ambitious, passionate, assertive, visionaries, and strong leaders. The small mistakes that the men around me make get the courtesy of being skirted by, but any slight wrong step I make is scrutinized to a degree that is past the threshold of accountability. The need to raise my voice and repeat myself numerous times for my opinion to be considered, the dismissiveness towards my knowledge and experience, the lack of respect that’s afforded to my male counterparts - these are all just the tip of the iceberg.
It is in moments like these where my leadership has truly been put to the test. It is in moments like these where I learned the essence of what “when they go low, we go high” truly means. While it’s easy to let these moments defeat you and tear down your willpower, rising above takes a strength and resilience that becomes second nature in leadership roles. It’s easy to be mean and dismissive, to stoop down to their level, to want to give them a taste of their own medicine; but that’s simply a shortcut that might soothe our wounds temporarily but does not help anyone. Rising above means putting your responsibilities first and finding solutions to these seemingly insurmountable problems, for yourself and for the people counting on you.
This journey of navigating leadership and the complexities that come with it is never ending. As you conquer one challenge, another will come to confront you momentarily. In those moments where it feels like the world is against you, how do you rise above as a leader?
True leadership rests in choosing kindness each day, especially when it feels like it’s nowhere to be found. It rests in owning the beauty that some believe is the sole purpose of our existence, and showing that it can exist in the same space as power, talent and drive. It rests in standing your ground and shouting your message from the mountaintops if that’s what it takes to be heard. It rests in leaning back on your community of champions to help uplift you in your times of need. Most importantly, it rests in giving yourself grace to be angry at the world and time to feel the pain of such experiences. And when you’re ready, true leadership exists in picking yourself back up to heal and to continue doing the good work - after all, it is why we all chose to be student leaders in the first place.
Written By Sagaana Sivathason
Commenti