INTRODUCTION
Friends are the family that you choose, and female friendships are arguably one of the most enriching experiences in life. The female experience in today’s society is often a heavy load; female friendship is where women can be themselves and help each other lighten the load.
So what do female friendships look like, sound like, and feel like to us? As two women in our last year of undergrad, female friendships at this point in our lives look like putting your friends’ needs before your own during hard times, a living room dance party, getting ready to go out, borrowing clothes, a comforting hug when you’re upset, or laughing over drinks with a female work friend helping you make your way in your early career. These are only a few of the wonderful ways female friendship helps to support us, make us happy, and create powerful relationships.
IMPORTANCE
Female friendships go beyond the warm and fuzzy moments — they are essential to our health and happiness. The bonds we form with other women provide strong emotional, psychological, and even physical benefits. From boosting our ability to fight sickness to acting as the first line of defense against stress, the benefits of female friendships are truly transformative.
Social connection bolsters the immune system, enhancing our ability to combat illness and maintain overall health. When we feel connected and supported, our bodies respond positively, strengthening immunity and reducing our vulnerability to disease. Social isolation has the opposite effect, being observed to weaken the body’s immune system, increase inflammation, and heighten the risk of anxiety, depression, and cardiovascular issues (Ro, 2023). It has been recorded that individuals with strong social circles tend to have longer and healthier lives. They are less likely to develop hypertension, experience better sleep quality, and even recover faster from disease compared to those who lack meaningful connections (Miller, 2014). This positive correlation between social connection and physical health demonstrates how friendship goes beyond emotional fulfillment, and also boosts our body’s overall wellness and resilience.
Women, in particular, benefit from a unique coping mechanism when faced with stress or trauma. A UCLA study uses the term “tend and befriend,” to describe the tendency of females to seek social contact and support from others as a response to stress. The study also reported how this directly contradicts the common behaviour pattern of males to manage stress with a fight-or-flight response. This phenomenon has a biological explanation rooted in the hormone oxytocin, which is released as a response to stress. Women produce higher levels of oxytocin, which encourages them to seek out affiliation, comfort, and connection. The result is a natural reduction in cortisol, the body’s primary stress hormone. This innate difference in stress responses protects women from adverse health effects, as they opt for turning to the support system around them, rather than developing stress-related disorders (Taylor, 2000). By choosing connection over isolation in stressful situations, women are biologically wired to protect their mental well-being.
Beyond physical and emotional health, female friendships are key contributors to positive self-esteem. These relationships provide a safe space to be vulnerable, authentic, and celebrated for who we are. In addition to being a source of joy, friendships are essential to our ability to thrive.
STEREOTYPES
Let’s start by saying you cannot generalize the female experience. Everyone is different, and although women do have shared experiences shaped by their gender, grouping female behaviours perpetuates a culture of stereotyping that can often be harmful to women.
Some common stereotypes about modern female friendships today include:
Catty competition: “Women gossip about each other’s looks, relationships, achievements, and create drama.”
Gossip has historically been viewed as a feminine pastime associated with wayward morality and shame. Because of this gender-based assumption that all women gossip, and often about each other, it is rooted in underlying misogyny. Feminist scholars believe gossip is inherently feminine because historically it was one of the only ways for women to express themselves and exert their power (Perry, 2024). Gossip has become part of social order and a way for people to connect, therefore it is important to differentiate between negative and positive gossiping. Discussing your life, relationships, positive things about others, or sharing anything else with compassionate intent could be classified as positive gossip. Negative gossip tears others down and can spread harmful notions that affect others, relationships, and reputations. The stereotype of "catty competition" among women is harmful because it perpetuates the belief that women are inherently untrustworthy and unable to form supportive, collaborative relationships due to gossip. Reclaiming gossip as a tool to listen to others and foster meaningful conversations is critical to overcoming this stereotype.
Uniformity in interests: “All girls are the same in a group of friends.”
This generalization erases individuality in a group and can discourage women from expressing their true selves. In our own experiences, friend groups where everyone has different interests, aspirations, hobbies, personalities, and passions are the most fulfilling and worthwhile. The assumption that a female group of friends are all the same may cause women to conform to gender norms and discourage them from expressing their true selves. This stereotype can also undermine their abilities and aspirations by suggesting a lack of complexity or uniqueness. Ignoring the diversity of female friend groups reinforces oversimplified views of women and limits society’s appreciation of their individuality.
Clicky cliques: “Young women form exclusive cliques on purpose to exclude others.”
The idea that young women especially, form exclusive cliques which intentionally disclude others comes primarily from pop culture and instances where this leads to disclusion. Take a movie like Mean Girls, the film synopsis highlights how a ‘clique’ of girls run a school through popularity and exclusivity. While the clique eventually dissolves and everyone branches out, films and TV shows like this push the narrative that girls are intentionally divisive and unkind towards one another and reinforce negative perceptions about female social behaviour. Social groups naturally form among women due to shared interests, experiences, or comfort in sharing each other’s company and hanging out without any intent to disclude. Labelling genuine female friendships as “cliques” unfairly villainizes young women’s friendships and ignores their capacity for meaningful, inclusive connections.
ADVICE
We have established the power and importance of making close female friends. However, the hard part is not necessarily building new friendships, more often, actually maintaining them. Life gets busy, priorities shift, and sometimes even the closest bonds can fade. From our own experiences, here a few pieces of advice to maintain strong and thriving female friendships:
Make Time for Quality Time
Shared experiences are powerful drivers of meaningful memories. Whether it’s a simple coffee date or something as extravagant as a girls’ trip to the South of France, there are lots of ways to spend quality time together. Being fully present for your friends in these moments spent together is what matters most.
Regular Check-Ins
It can be easy to drift apart in busy seasons of life. As university students, we have definitely fallen into the trap of living in our campus bubble. But staying connected doesn’t need to be time-consuming — a quick text or a spontaneous phone call can go a long way. Checking in reminds your friends that you care, no matter the distance or time apart.
Be a Life Cheerleader
Being a life cheerleader means showing up for your friends in all the moments that matter, whether big or small. Celebrate your friends’ wins like they are your own, because when you cheer each other on, it creates a cycle of support and empowerment that lifts you both higher.
Open and Honest Communication
If you want someone to recognize how their actions are making you feel, sometimes the best thing to do is verbalize it to them. It can be easy to forget that people are not mind readers, and often are just perceiving the situation differently than you are.
Some friendships may span decades-long, and others only a few weeks, but they are all equally important in fulfilling our safety, love, and belonging needs. We have personally found lots of fulfillment in our friendship with each other and those around us. Our hope is that this article has inspired you to pick up the phone and call a friend because where would we be without them?
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Read, Watch, Do: A Celebration of Female Friendships
Read:
Why Not Me? by Mindy Kaling
Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus
Carrie Soto is Back by Taylor Jenkins Reid
All You Have to Do Is Call by Kerri Maher
A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini
Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Watch:
On the Basis of Sex
Hidden Figures
Barbie
Little Women
Queen of Katwe
Booksmart
The Hate U Give
Do:
Play We’re Not Really Strangers to deepen your connections.
Attend events like the QWIL Equity Summit to meet and learn from other women.
Start a reflection journal to celebrate and reflect on your friendships.
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